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A Companion for the Uncouched
Based on a highly regarded article in Psychology Today that has been reprinted worldwide, Think Like a Shrink is a personality primer that refines years of psychiatric training into 100 principles. Here you will quickly learn to understand what motivates your boss, your spouse, your parents -- and yourself. Incorporating the most basic fundamentals that drive the human personality, these principles are short, clear, and simple, but not simplistic. They include enlightening observations and real eye-openers, such as:
- Some people never forgive a favor.
- In any marriage, there can only be one number one.
- Too much love may mean hate; too much hate may mean love.
- Successful neuroses help people fail.
- Electra and Oedipus keep psychiatrists in business.
- Sales Rank: #1687339 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Touchstone
- Published on: 2001-05-08
- Released on: 2001-05-08
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.44" h x .60" w x 5.50" l, .70 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 240 pages
- ISBN13: 9780684866031
- Condition: New
- Notes: BRAND NEW FROM PUBLISHER! 100% Satisfaction Guarantee. Tracking provided on most orders. Buy with Confidence! Millions of books sold!
Review
Theodore I. Rubin, M.D.
author of Compassion and Self-Hate
Always interesting, practical, and accessible, these insights are delivered in plain English.
Constance Dalenberg, Ph.D.
Director, Trauma Research Institute, and author of Countertransference and the Treatment of Trauma
In this honest and refreshing volume, Dr. Rosen offers the reader a series of catalysts to self-understanding and self-acceptance. A unique contribution to the field.
Calvin A. Colarusso, M.D.
Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, University of California at San Diego
Dr. Rosen has distilled the essence of clinical psychiatry and developmental theory in this most outstanding book....Of great value to those who wish to better understand themselves and those they love.
From the Author
Winner First Place Annual Book Award Psychology/Self-Help Category San Diego Magazine 2002 Winner First Place Menninger Alumni Writing Competition 2002 in its category Excerpted in Self Magazine piece on Best Self Help Advice of All Time, 2002
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
From Part One: The Big Picture
A Human Is a Human Is a Human
Bill Gates and an Aborigine have a lot in common. They may not hanker after the same clothes, but we can be sure that their primal desires are identical. They both want sustenance. They both want sexual gratification. They both want security. They both want respect. And they both want love.
So what if one may flaunt khakis and the other a loincloth? Irrelevant, a mere expression of cultural bias. Social mores, spiritual beliefs, and priorities vary from culture to culture, and even within the same countries, depending on upbringing and peer expectation. Even in our melting pot of a country, we see great differences in expression and lifestyle between people of different backgrounds and generations.
Nonetheless, distilled down, these discrepancies are but different expressions of the same primal tendencies, hard wired into our genes for the grander purpose of survival, and bearing greatly on our emotional health. You may believe that your son, your daughter, your father, your employer, and so forth are nothing like you. But look deeper. You'll see that though the methods may be different, the needs are the same. Recognizing common needs is a first step toward cultivating more tolerant attitudes about differences, and happily, in terms of therapy, this commonality broadens human understanding.
Fantasies Rule
As often as we are all admonished to get a grip on reality, the echo of desire irrepressibly jars, shaking the foundation right out from under real life. And why not? Reality is so much more difficult to control than a confection over which we, and we alone, have total creative tyranny. Fantasy makes a great retreat, or if not "great," at least familiar.
Everyone has fantasies. These can be trivial or all-encompassing. Either way, the greater the distance between the fantasy and the reality, the more arduous the psychological task. A shrink or loved one can only help a deluded patient accept reality mentally. However, no one, no how, can excise the emotional longing that fuels and will continue to fuel escapist tendencies. The most skillful therapists help to narrow the chasm between the perceived want and achievable goals, and often it is the former that needs the most attention.
All fantasies have a source. With encouragement, daytrippers will sometimes reveal the associations they make with their fantasies. A man who would take six women to bed at once might want to feel more manly. Or the woman whose desire is a 10,000-square-foot chateau complete with turrets may have an exaggerated need for security. Find out why they evoke those fantasies and you'll be learning what makes them tick.
Fantasies can be so vivid that if an event shatters one, it can precipitate an emotional crisis, even if the individual is unaware or only dimly aware of its existence. In the case of a fear-based fantasy, for example, a person might get severely depressed on entering law school or on getting married before their older sibling if he or she has the unconscious fantasy that besting the sibling will lead to annihilation. But a fantasy meltdown may eventually lead sufferers to grounding their ideas in reality.
Identifying the anxiety at the source of the fantasy -- which usually has its origin in childhood -- is a first step toward mitigating its influence. Based on a more thorough understanding of why they fantasize, dreamers can design more achievable goals. Small steps, taken incrementally, will lead them to more satisfying lives. They may even reach to achieve their pie in the sky, instead of just thinking about it.
The Unconscious Mind Is a Constant, Invisible Influence
It's not that there is no free will. But there is too often unrecognized forces guiding our reactions, both inconsequential and life-altering.
I once argued with my late psychiatrist father, "The very word unconscious suggests that we are unaware of it, and therefore it does not matter."
He replied simply, "Some are more unaware of it than others."
It is just this lack of awareness that makes us emotionally stupid.
As actors and actresses in our own private play, only infrequently do we recognize that our unconscious is subtly yanking the strings. We do this, we do that, all the while imagining that we are just acting spontaneously to what life serves up. The more neurotic we are, the less awareness we have of what the script actually says, of how much of our circumstances are due to our unconscious. Without awareness, we get stuck in patterns that become painfully familiar, but that we nevertheless repeat over and again.
Eventually, the unconscious seems to raise its own alert in the form of emotional suffering. Frequent overblown reactions are a sign. Repeated painful outcomes that run against conscious intent are another. The unconscious is trying to become more conscious!
By profession, shrinks commit to the healing power of "increased awareness," but it is slow going. Anyone's insight regarding his or her unconscious only begins the therapeutic process. It is like acquiring a brand-new sense in tiny increments. Imagine the fog of unawareness thinning slightly. The freshly conscious person sees the dim outline of an unknown shape (which is actually their own thought process). Just then the fog thickens again, and not until it clears for a second time will the glimmer reoccur. And so forth.
Even more difficult and requiring months and sometimes years of practice is the glacial "working through" phase that will make hitherto unconscious patterns conscious, then gradually transform choices into more nourishing ones.
Copyright © 2001 by Emanuel H. Rosen, M.D.
Most helpful customer reviews
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Some good insight
By PLS
If you want to know some reasons why you or those around you act the way they do, then get this book. If you want to know how to change the way you think or act, move on.
3 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Universal truths
By A Customer
This is a great book- fun, readable, irreverent and informative. It explains things like why friendships are less charged than family ties (because you agree to suspend agressive and sexual impulses) and why you have all sorts of fantasies (it's hard-wired, adaptive, and don't worry about it if you don't act on the dangerous ones). I inhaled this book in a couple of hours. After reading it, I was struck by how many things in it seemed applicable to my day-to-day life. I can't recommend this book highly enough.
17 of 19 people found the following review helpful.
Best introduction into psychoanalisis ever
By Anton Beletskii
My highest recommendation goes towards Think like a shrink (TLS). TLS is the best pop-psychoanalysis book I read since "Games people play" by Eric Bern (very strongly recommended as well). I became fascinated with the idea of Cliff Notes on psychoanalysis after reading Think like a shrink article in Sep/Oct 98 Popular Psychology by Emanuel Rosen.
The article was so good and so much in the face of current media thinking about personality, that I clipped it and reread it many times in the last 3 years. It also started with a tantalizing sentence that an author is writing a book on the same topic, so every time I read the article I checked the Amazon for the book. Finally the book came out this summer and exceeded all my expectations. TLS is divided into 100 chapters, not more than two pages each, and each one describing a key psychoanalytic principle and titled with hilarious anti-PC statement such as Woman who angle for male attention may never have hooked maternal affection.. and Don Juan had an absent father, or Too much love may mean hate; too much hate may mean love; or Beware unsolicited denials etc. Just reading the titles is worth the price of the book. I have to note here that the book is written weaker than the article, because the article was an absolute gem with 21 most important principles packed on 5 journal pages, with each principle being explained in 2-5 info-packed sentences. In the book the author has the luxury of spreading 100 principles into 230 pages, so the writing is not as tight. But the bottom line is that you will have a very good grasp of psychoanalysis (and yourself) after reading the book.
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